The Hairless Ape

My arms are hairy. So what, Mike, you think, what’s that have to do with cancer? Well, it has become a problem because of all the needles and IVs that are regularly going in and out of my body. (I would say my veins, but that makes me faint.) Why? Tape, that’s why. Either the nurses tape the IVs in, or they must tape a piece of gauze on over the needle prick once they’ve removed the cursed thing. And let me tell you, the tape contains some sort of space-age adhesive designed to stick to skin for centuries. The trouble is, it must come off, and much of my arm hair comes off with it.

Today I had gauze taped to both of my elbow pits, since I had blood drawn at the oncologist and then had MRI juices fed into me later in the day. Tomorrow, I will have more blood drawn (this time at the UW Hospital that will be collecting and storing my sperm), and for the PET scan will have (this really isn’t a joke) radioactive sugar called Fluorodeoxyglucose (FDG) running through my body via yet another IV.

Therefore I’ve made a decision. I am going to shave the areas of my arms nearest the needle usage, and if that looks stupid, I’m shaving the entire length of my arms. What’s the difference? The hair on my head is destined to fall out soon anyhow, so I can spend a couple of months feeling what it would be like to be a truly hairless ape. Mostly, anyway.

Let me know if anyone wants pictures. I’ll post more on the UW sperm bank and the PET scan tomorrow when my head clears…


4 Responses to “The Hairless Ape”

  1. I definitely don’t want pictures of the sperm bank.

    And honeychild, you really will be a hairless ape–it’s not just the hair on your head that falls out. You won’t have to worry about the arm hair much longer, though I think your plan to shave the IV region is a good one.

    Personally, I was planning a head tattoo (sorry, She) if my hair was gonna fall out. Its something you might think about, though if a receding hairline is in your future, think about that, too. But what a great place for a tattoo that you will be able to easily cover when the time comes. I’m just sayin’.

  2. Thank you for setting up your blog! Since we are all so scattered about the country, we can’t sit down at the kitchen table and get an update. I for one, want pictures! You knew I would, eh? I like your idea of being proactive and shaving your arms…why don’t more people think of that?
    It is 6am… gasp! yes, this night owl is checking her email before getting ready for work. Matt, of course, is asleep. I will share your blog with him. Your last email was such a relief for him… you are in his thoughts, constantly.
    Say hi to Dawn for us, too.

  3. There will (sorry Tara) be pictures soon enough. I’m not sure what of yet, but I have been thinking of it, since most of you are very far from Madison, and I’d like you to be able to see some of the experience too–rather than just hear it.

  4. don’t worry mike. i shave my legs, and i don’t even have cancer.

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