that nagging feeling

Well, first off, let me just say, holy cow, I had no idea so many folks had donated to Relay For Life on my behalf since my last whiny post! For some reason, I have not been getting the update emails from the site, so I thought the whole campaign had gone fallow. But, I underestimated my friends and family, of course, and I have now raised just over 50% of my goal of $2000!

Many thanks to each and every one of you who have donated! I’m routinely amazed by your generosity. Really. Thanks.


Tomorrow I go to see the oncologist once again. The appointments have become so much rarer (every six weeks) that I frequently forget about cancer altogether, and don’t know how to characterize its role in my life any longer. When I say I have cancer it doesn’t sound right–almost like a lie (and when Dawn hears it she shakes her head and says, “no, you don’t”). But I can’t quite say it, I can’t quite make myself say that I had cancer. I haven’t, it can honestly be said, been given any sort of “all clear” from my doctor. In fact, during the last visit, after Dawn had left the room to deal with paperwork, I asked Dr. Arbaje: “Are you still concerned about that unidentified abberation in my lung that we saw on the last PET scan?”

“Yes,” he nodded somewhat gravely, “I am still concerned.”

So, now you understand the header. That’s what cancer has become in my life: a nagging feeling. A reminder that while I feel pretty good, and have slipped back into life as it was (more or less) before the diagnosis, I’m still technically a cancer patient, and every once in a while that pops into my head and says Hello! Remember me?!?

I’ll be sure to write tomorrow to post the latest medical update after my appointment. Until then…


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